the student

some people might not know this
i was very close to studying in an aussie university
because i really thought i couldn't get into any local uni

on one hand, i'm glad that i didn't go because i would have burden my family financially. on the other hand, i feel sad staying in singapore and not being able to go overseas for studies. i'm constantly surrounded by unhappy moments; there's never really a happy moment for me and yet i do not have people to talk to nor do i know how to relate to people about what's happening. sometimes i felt that staying in another country would be much better as i would not be troubled by so many things n could concentrate on my studies fully. but on the other hand, i know i should not be selfish n not care at all. it's really troublesome. i always wondered how life would be, alone in a foreign land, trying to get by, learning the culture, getting to know people from all over the world etc etc.

i'm always thinking, if one appears to have a normal life, is he really ok? he may appear ok to people but on the inside, he may not be. u may be friends with a person for many donkey years but u may not know that person well enough. likewise with family, do you really know your family members well? for me personally, i don't. i don't understand how come a person could change so drastically and become like another person totally. they say, mankind was good in the beginning. so it's in one's blood to be good n not bad! then how come?

how come i'm saddled with so many hurdles? what do i have to learn from all these? it's cracking my brains to think. it's tiring for my parents.

how nice it would be to be able to do your stuff without the worry that u are going to burden someone finanacially. yet someone do not understand this. how depressing. i'm wondering out loud, if only the whole saga didn't happened, i might not be studying in singapore and might have gone to another country to study. but it's all too late now. what happened had already happened.